After reading this quote, I decided that it completely embodies where I am in my life. "I'd rather be by myself than to be with someone who doesn't value and appreciate my presence." This realization has brought me to explore the dichotomy of love. It is the desire to fully give myself to love versus my need to protect my heart from the hurt, disappointment, and rejection that has become such a staple in my life. It could be described as a raging internal conflict between myself and my desire to surrender and submit to the posibilty of love.
A part of me wants to still believe that love exists and a part of me is pretty sure that love the way I see it is extinct. Love for me is selflessly giving of yourself for the good of the whole. It is an intentional, continual decision to do what it takes to make the other person happy. It is being mature enough to realize that the other person is not perfect but being willing to continue on the journey anyway. To love someone means that you see the best in them and when you don't, you gently encourage them to be better all while creating a safe judgment free zone for them to make those adjustments. It is consistent and not quick to give up. Real love finds a way to love harder even when the other person might be acting unlovable. At the center of this love you will find rooted a desire to please God that won't allow you to wilfully mistreat the other. However in today's society, this kind of love is extremely rare. Even when presented with someone with these qualities, society has conditioned us to keep searching for the newest version or the upgrade. Everyone is constantly looking for the next one and aren't willing to invest the time needed to make this one work. People always say they want love but very few are interested in putting in the work that makes it successful. It is because of this that I have found it hard to allow myself to be vulnerable with anyone. But, I do understand that true love requires one to be willing to be completely open and vulnerable. Love is the greatest of all gifts but it also had the potential to create the greatest amount of pain. So my solution has been to put up a protective wall of resistance. The problem is that the same wall that we use to protect our hearts is the same one that presents us from receiving the kind of love that we deserve. Love should be our safe place; a shelter from our fears and worries. In a moment of transparency, I have to say that the complexity of love is something that I often think about but something that I find myself praying less and less for. But, I do know that God knows even the silent petitions of our heart. If He opens a door that will allow love to flow to my heart again, I will be forever grateful. But even if that is not His plan for my life in this season, I will not trust Him any less. In the end I know that He knows exactly what I need and when I need it so if I allow Him to heal my heart and send love my way, I know it will be worth the wait.
2 Comments
Shelia sanders
7/19/2016 09:40:24 am
Lady I enjoy reading your daily post. I actually find myself looking forward to your daily word. This post in last night actually broyght tears to my eyes because it mirrors thoughts and reflects my life. I have struggled with keep the wall down because as much as ivevbeen hurt I know I was made to love. I like you pray that God has this perfect gift (true love)in store for me and I pray even harder that he prepares me to be ready to recieve my gift and nurture it. Please keep writing.
Reply
Marshunda
7/19/2016 11:25:39 am
Thank you so much! That's one reason I write and am as transparent as I am. Even though we might not always express it, there is always someone going through just what we are. We need to hear someone say that if I can get through it you can too!
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorMarshunda Thomas Archives
January 2020
Categories |