Ephesians 4:23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind
The reason that we are told that we must renew our minds is because an infectious mind leads to infectious behavior. In the natural sense an infection can occur when bacteria enters a break in the skin. My father is diabetic and recently developed a diabetic ulcer on his large toe so we have been seeing a wound care specialist. The doctor explained that because of the severity of the infection the reality is that he may have to lose his toe, and if the infection that is now centered in his toe is not treated properly he could stand to lose his whole foot or possibly his entire leg. So one day as I was spending time in prayer for him, I begin to think about how that same principle can be applied to our lives. Often times, we wonder why our romantic and even family relationships seem to always be unhealthy. The truth is, many times those relationships are unhealthy because of our infectious way of thinking. The problem is further exacerbated by the fact that we have these unhealthy thinking patterns and instead of trying to treat the problem properly we are simply placing a Band-Aid over them. In the natural sense even though the cut might be visible on the outside of the skin the real problem is with the infection that might be lying just below the surface. Although you might be treating the outside cut with surface antibiotics, the real issue that could potentially kill you is the nasty infection that can’t be detected with the natural eye. So although we have to address the issue of the outer hurt, it is imperative that we also treat our hurting places on the INSIDE. See that is the problem, many of us have internal hurts and baggage that we are dealing with and we are simply moving on and trying to create new relationships (Band-Aid) without first treating the inner hurt (infection). And now what happens is as we create these new connections we are wondering why we keep seeing the same patterns, why are we seemingly experiencing the same hurt over and over and the answer is because we haven’t dealt with our inner hurts. So from the outside everything appears to be healed…we’re smiling, we have good jobs, we are buying new homes, taking our kids to soccer practice, head of the PTO and all the while INFECTED on the inside. So what began with a little hurt and a little unforgivness has now begun to spread to every area of our life because we left that one thing untreated. In full transparency, this was something that I dealt with and still deal with in developing romantic relationships. For many years I dealt with the issue of abandonment and feeling alone. It is a struggle that many people won’t understand. How can you be surrounded by so many people and have so many people in your life but yet feel ALONE??? For me my issue started after losing my mother at a young age, some of my family members moving away and starting their own lives, my dad remarrying soon after, and then entering into a series of failed relationships…..I was left feeling empty and alone…abandoned! Because I lived with that infectious thinking without properly talking about it and dealing with it, every time someone else would come into my life and desire to add to it, I was never fully open to accepting that love because I was always waiting for them to leave. It was the cycle that I had become accustomed to …people who I loved leaving. So I was never able to be as completely open as I needed to be because perhaps I was always somewhat guarded. Why??? Because I had not allowed my mind to be renewed. I was simply walking around with a Band-Aid on. It is those thought patterns that we MUST deal with if we ever hope to create healthy relationships with other people because if we are not careful and we don’t deal with them not only will we begin to allow that thinking to spread all over every area of our own lives, we will begin to infect those around us. So what is the lesson??? We cannot continue to walk around with deep infectious hurts and unforgiveness and expect to create healthy connections with other people by simply placing a Band-Aid over our issues. We must first be honest about our feelings and when those issues that we are carrying become too heavy for us to shoulder alone, we must begin to lay every hurt, disappointment, seed of unforgiveness and painful experience at the feet of Jesus and allow Him to heal us from the inside out.
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A love like this redefines what love is. We have often been taught that love is like the images that we see on the movie screen or perhaps our idea of love is derived from the disillusionment that many have experienced growing up in dysfunctional homes. But a love like this shatters those stereotypes and creates rules of its own. A love like this is one that not only chooses to listen but makes every effort to understand and one that has the capacity to selflessly relinquish the need to always be right.
A love like this is not always about what you “feel” but instead the realization that true love is a continuous and intentional decision to commit to another person. There will be many times that you find yourself annoyed, disappointed, or even angry with your partner but when you are intentional (purposeful and deliberate) in the way that you love you won’t lose sight of the commitment. In fact, you will have a better understanding that what you have committed yourself to is bigger than whatever the emotion is that is currently driving your actions. Timothy Keller gives the Christian version of what it means to fall in love. He says that it is to look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating and say, “I see who god is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that journey and partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to His throne.” What a beautiful sentiment! It is the idea that you have the foresight to see something in someone that they may not even see in themselves. Today’s women have become so caught up in wanting to be everything that a man is that they have lost sight of the fact that God created them to be everything that a man is NOT so that they can complement him. She has been masterfully designed to help him even when he doesn’t realize that he needs help. She is to be his eyes when he has lost sight of his vision and has been given the divine ability to pull out of him what God has placed in him. For a long time, I was convinced that a love like this did not exist. I desired a love that was not willing to give up and one that was worth fighting for. Not a love that I had to fight to keep but one that was worth fighting to maintain. I used to say that love was hard work until I realized that wasn’t true at all. Relationships are hard work and require sacrifice and compromise to maintain, but love…love is effortless. After thirty-five years of living and plenty of failed relationships I have learned that the most important element of love is friendship. It is the foundation that love should be built on. It is the idea that not only could you be madly in love with someone, but that you could actually like them as a person as well. When you develop a genuine friendship with a person that you are in love with, you can be certain that no matter what you face on your journey, you will always have your best friend by your side. If you are ever blessed to find a love like this, make sure that you are careful to protect it. The more you cherish love the more valuable it will become. If you have a man that respects himself, loves god, and recognizes your worth; make sure that you do your best to honor him. Too many times we cry, beg, and plead for God to send us a good man and when He does we mishandle the gift that we have been given. For this love I have prayed and for that reason will I cherish it…. |
AuthorMarshunda Thomas Archives
January 2020
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