I wanted to sit down and pen a thank you letter to you. It is only because of you that I am the woman that I am today. There are really so many facets that I just don’t rightfully know where to begin but I’ll start by saying thank you for the long line of failures, mistakes, hurt, rejection, pain, depression, and struggle. Each of which has increased my wisdom and challenged me to continue to grow emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.
I want to personally take the time to thank the men who have undervalued me and not fully appreciated the love that I have had to offer. It is because of you that I have learned to seek out my first love and desire a deeper connection with Him. Living with the loneliness that accompanies rejection, has taught me to appreciate the time that I have spent getting to know myself. When you learn to live with and embrace the time you spend alone, you won’t be so apt to accept anything for the sake of having something. This time alone has allowed me to differentiate between taking on unhealthy relationships for the sake of filling a void and allowing myself to invest in someone who has the real potential to add value to my life. Ultimately, rejection and loneliness has taught me the significance of the wait and developed in me the importance of honoring the man that God has fashioned for me when He comes. With that being said I want to pause to say thank you to loss…deep unimaginable loss. We are taught that we don’t have to be thankful FOR all things but IN ALL THINGS give thanks. I am grateful even in loss that I have learned to appreciate the people who are yet in my life. If I had never experienced the depth of loss that I have encountered, I might not have developed such a deep and passionate love for the people who are left. Many times I don’t know how to scale back my feelings because I give people all that I have and I am learning to no longer feel bad about that. Although it has opened me up to some very vulnerable situations, in the end it has created a more loving, compassionate heart in me and God certainly honors that. I would be remiss to write this letter and leave out rock bottom. Many people may not be able to relate to this portion because perhaps you have always had an abundance of everything that you wanted, but I can’t say that is my testimony. I thank God for the times that I felt like I was just scraping by. I am grateful for the nights that I laid in my bed and calculated on my two hands how to stretch out the little that I had to make the month. It was in those times that I learned to lean and depend completely on God. I watched Him many days do only what He could do and I am so thankful for the distance that He has brought me. In closing, I am grateful for the peace that I have found in my pain. It really doesn’t matter if your darkness is the same, worse, or less intense than mine. The truth is we all struggle. We all get hurt. We all make mistakes. And all these things deepen our capacity for amazing love, joy, passion, and fulfillment. Marshunda Thomas “And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.” Joel 2:25
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AuthorMarshunda Thomas Archives
January 2020
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